Open hands

I've spent the last three hours of my life trying to find a career via Google. Here's a sample of some of my search entries:
"State Department internships"
"college grad dude ranch jobs"
"travel blog internships"
"flight attendant training"
"food publishing internships"
"Smith & Wesson careers"
"do park rangers carry guns"*

*okay, maybe that one wasn't the most relevant. But a tiny part of me wants to carry a firearm for my job. 

To be honest, I almost started to type "What if I just want to serve Jesus and have a job that I like" into my search engine, but then I realized...

Well, I just typed that in and one of the first results was an article about "How do I become a Catholic nun?"

Clearly this is not an effective way to map out my future. In fact, the very concept of mapping out my future is in itself flawed. The minute I think I can control my future is the minute I forget whose life this really is. This life is not my own.

For the love of Christ controls us, having concluded this, that one died for all, therefore all died; and He died for all, that they who live shall no longer live for themselves, but for Him who died and rose again on their behalf. 

[2 Corinthians 5:14-15]

I now live for Christ! His Spirit dwells in me. When the Father looks on me, He sees the blood of the Lamb-- perfection, completion. And how faithful has the Lord been in my life thus far? How faithful has He been in the lives of millions of people before me? In Abraham's life, when He provided a ram to take the place of Isaac on the altar; in Moses', when He used his staff to separate the Red Sea and bring the Israelites to safety; in Job's, when He spared his life and in the end blessed him far beyond any riches he had ever experienced. 

Lord, teach me how to live this life with open hands. I don't want to cling onto anything but You. You have graciously given me so many blessings in this life-- a loving family, precious friends, a world-class education, health, shelter, financial provisions... But too often I turn these things, that are good things in themselves, into idols. I find my identity, my assurance, my purpose in them instead of in the One who gave them to me in the first place.

I think about how I would react if You took away my friends. My family. My financial security. My health. Would I be destroyed? Would I love You just the same, if at all? Would I question Your goodness? Lord, may I only look to You to fulfill my every need. 

For whoever wishes to save his life shall lose it; but whoever loses his life for My sake shall find it. For what will a man be profited, if he gains the whole world, and forfeits his soul?

[Matthew 16:25-26]